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I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki: The cult hit everyone is talking about

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Although I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokpokki is actually a compilation of written dialogues between the author and her psychiatrist, I was able to immerse myself into the conversation, to the point that it felt very intimate, as if I was in her situation all along. I was never clinically diagnosed with depression or any other mental illness, but I went through my own dark moments and I could relate to most of the things that Baek Se-hee went through. The confusion in Baek Se-hee's dialogues mirror my own, and the psychiatrist's words sent me a blanket of comfort that I absolutely needed. Buku lanjutan, essay tentang perjalanan penulis melakukan terapi untuk Distimia yang ia alami. Buku kedua ini lebih aku suka. Covernya lebih tajam, berwarna lebih gelap menggambarkan bagaimana kelamnya tulisan yg tertuang di dalamnya. Dibandingkan dengan design buku pertama, aku lebih nyaman membaca buku kedua. Pilihan warnanya jernih tidak ada warna magenta dan putih yg kontras dan menusuk mata. Namun ada yang hilang dari buku kedua ini, yaitu highlight pada kalimat-kalimat yang penting, bagus, dan mendalam. Jadi lebih sedikit. Sayang sekali. Se-hee is blunt yet charming, I couldn't help but respect her throughout this book. The best parts of the text are her essays, which come at the beginning of each chapter, and at the end of the book. Baek Se-hee spoke about her mental health in such a candid way. Although she didn’t shy away from revealing the difficult and dark parts of her experiences, and herself, she also filled this book with so much light. Will strike a chord with anyone who feels that their public life is at odds with how they really feel inside.' - Red

That’s enough for me - why did I torture myself by comparing myself to someone else? If twenty-year-old me met me today, she would cry with joy. And that’s enough for me." Mencari pertolongan profesional adalah hal yang baik dan patut diapresiasi. Tak perlu mengucilkan orang lain yang sedang melakukan pengobatan dengan psikolog dan psikiater. Karena tidak sedikit orang yang masih meragukan keputusan ini. Padahal, dengan berkonsultasi dengan yang ahli, seseorang justru akan merasa lebih baik, bahkan bisa jauh lebih baik dibandingkan ketika ia masih baik-baik saja dan belum pernah konsultasi dengan profesional. Oiya, aku suka dengan humor sederhana yang ada di buku ini. Misalnya: "Terima kasih. Satu hal lagi, (Terus bicara walau aku bilang sudah tidak ada lagi yang bisa kukatakan.)" Sungguh jadi warna sendiri ketika membacanya. Every time I read this book - including the first book - I have mixed feelings. I also seem to understand what the author feels. Because I myself also felt and was in a situation like that too. Kita bisa menyadari bahwa meski perubahan tidak dramatis dan terkesan tipis-tipis. Namun, dari berbagai sesi konsultasi penulis dengan psikiaternya kita dapat melihat pengaruh signifikan pada kestabilan mental penulis. Serta, dari berbagai sesi konsultasi tersebut juga psikiater mampu menyadari dan memberikan obat serta treatment yang tepat sampai pada tahap Baek Se Hee bisa intropeksi dan berimprovisasi untuk mencapai dirinya yang lebih stabil, baik, serta positif.

Jika dibandingkan, sejujurnya aku lebih suka cover buku yang pertama. Begitu pun dengan penataan isi buku dan kualitas kertasnya, aku juga lebih suka yang pertama meskipun memang ada tulisan dengan latar berwarna magenta yang menyakitkan mata sementara di buku ini tidak ada lagi. Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her - what to call it? - depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgmental of others. She hides her feelings well at work and with friends, performing the calmness her lifestyle demands. The effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal. But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favorite street food: the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like? It’s hard, it’s a long game, and although probably life changing, it doesn’t feel like it at the time. This one won’t give you a lightbulb moment, but it might make you feel very heard and a lil warm. Satu kata itu, distimia, sebenarnya sangat "akrab" buatku pribadi sejak awal tahun ini. Terus, baca percakapan si penulis saat konseling dengan psikiaternya bikin berpikir banyak. Mungkin beberapa orang nggak bakal terlalu gimana saat baca, tapi buatku pribadi sih ya kayak banyak ruang privasiku yang terasa dihunjam. Paling suka ketika penulis selamat dari kecelakaan yang membuatnya "bersyukur".

In any case, reading this book made me find out that I'm a hedgehog. So I'm awarding a bonus half star just for that. Having personally suffered from mental health issues myself, I was hopeful for this book. However, I found the writing disappointing, and the author immature, infuriating and insufferable. Some examples: I also got new information for myself. That the author's treatment lasted for more than a year. Previously, I thought that the consultation conducted by the author with a psychiatrist doctor was about a few months or Aku rasa perlu menjadi catatan bagi kalian yang mau membaca bukunya Baek Se Hee, terutama buku kedua ini. Bacalah setelah kalian benar-benar sudah memastikan kalau kalian baik-baik saja, baik secara fisik ataupun mental, karena isi buku ini tidak secerah warna covernya. (: I reached for “I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki” by Baek Sehee for two main reasons: 1) I hoped to get a better insight into the way a standard therapy is conducted in South Korea, 2) I was interested to see how therapist’s culture influences the approach. The book, structured in the form of twelve conversations is a record of three months out of ten years of the author’s therapy, plus some loose chapters about her problems and thoughts.perasaan yang aku alami saat membaca buku kedua ini berbeda dengan saat aku membaca buku pertama. Di buku pertama, aku merasa kalau aku gak sendirian dan cerita Baek Se Hee sedikit banyak memberiku harapan untuk mencari pertolongan. Di buku kedua ini, aku malah merasa bahwa dunia itu berat, bahkan bisa dibilang berat sekali untuk dijalani bagi orang-orang yang mengalami masalah mental seperti Baek Se Hee, untuk menarik napas saja rasanya sesak sekali. Buku kedua ini juga menyentuh sisi lain diriku yang awalnya aku pikir gak ada. The literal Ctrl+C of the discussions you have with your psychiatrist do not hold any literary merit, which surprises me and puts into question the validity of creative writing courses in Korea. Did 언니 learn nothing? The book is a write up of Baek’s time in therapy discussing this, as well as how she tends to use food for comfort. Usually the psychologist in me means that I have issues over confidentially, but as this is specifically Baek’s own stuff, I think I’m okay. it wasn't hard at all to realize that maybe not all therapy sessions in this book were successful, i would have liked some problems to be discussed more, not just followed by other questions, but i enjoyed learning about the author's family, her way of thinking and her view of relationships with other people You are fine now, just the way you are. You might say silly things when drunk, there may be side effects from the pills, but you’re fine. If the latter happens, all you have to do is call me up and swear at me.’

After three months of therapy the author states “Everything is a mess” and feels more out of control than before she started the therapy, which I fully understand, considering the low quality of sessions she had. Even if she sometimes felt the psychiatrist understands her, she never got any constructive guidance on how to solve her problems. What she received was several pieces of advice on how to avoid dealing with the problem, which seemed to be random ideas of her psychiatrist, not a product of their experience, qualifications and knowledge. For example, Baek complained about drinking too much but instead of investigating why she does that and what kind of coping mechanism her drinking is, her therapist just suggested avoiding friends with whom she goes drinking. This may be a common way of sweeping problems under the rug in Korean culture but it is totally inappropriate from the therapy’s perspective as it does not solve the root cause of the issue. I could name many more similar tips the author received. I learned from the book that the author spent ten years in therapy and didn’t end up much wiser. No wonder. The psychiatrist prescribed her a ton of medications without explaining the reasons for doing so, side effects, expected results and even ways of seeing when the medication starts working (!): “I’m going to change your medication a bit. The antidepressants will lift you from the ground a little more, and I’ll also include some mood stabilisers”. I have heard of this level of incompetence from some of my Asian students and I don’t need to mention how extremely frustrated it makes me. Denying a patient knowledge about their health and treatment is a gross misconduct. it's short and easy to inhale, and in translation the writing style is very straightforward and simplistic. i underlined a few helpful nuggets of wisdom, but my principal reaction is a neutral "huh."Se Hee juga mengingatkan bahwa kita harus sadar bahwa setiap orang memiliki kondisi yang berbeda. Apa yang kita kira ucapan biasa, bisa jadi adalah kalimat yang memicu perasaan depresi bagi seseorang. Ia juga mencoba mengingatkan bahwa masa lalu atau sekarang, kita adalah kita. Membenci masalalu bukan berarti kamu akan terhindar dari ingatan itu. I personally like Siapa Yang Datang ke Pemakamanku better because that book somehow is more encouraging than this one. Baek Se-hee circled on the same problems on and on and after reading it for a while, it’s getting too monotone for me. I think she can use that space to encourage people better - not only telling and retelling. Yup!!! It turns out that the content of this book is more of a note or journal from the author after finishing a consultation with a psychiatrist. An essay that he wrote based on his own life story. How he - the author - struggles with his illness.

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